........probably how i feel

to go from grimey to clean. i had to compose my list.
fortified through anger in order to obtain my bliss.
but to keep it accurate i had to start with the dirty.
and as it started it went something like this

one, one is for arragance i slurred from my tongue

two is for the hatred that i got from everyone

three is for the times that i tried to start again

four is for time it took for me to make amens

five is for the way i use to keep up with my sins

six is just a number to keep track of all of my dead friends

seven is for the energy used to keep my mind away

and eight is for the strength to live through another day.


so i wrote this list and kept it close
tryin extra hard not to lose it in my notes
and lived by it, in the persuit of the light
so i dont lose track of whats right
but it really wasnt easy
to keep it sleeved up in peices less conspicuous to see
in hopes that the peace will never leave me
but as i guessed my kharma lifted just a little
for me to get some leeway
for my list to make more simple
i forgot why i first made it so i thought about how i felt
and then i started writing how i felt about myself

one, one is for the future cause im never lookin back

two is for the movement and not to lose my track

three is for the questions that i answered for my self every day

four is for the new friends that i met along the way

five is for the sacreligious statements in my songs

six is for the only times ill say iv done no wrong

seven is for every time i was at the very end

Eight is for being strong to tough it out without the help of friends

So now i keep my literature pictured in a frame of cold winters simply for
cinders to heat the couple into an integer.
it was around december when i remembered that i lost what would have been,
i couldent wait for the fact i was just so into her.
And when i yell timber relax until you can hinder the fact that on the message
it just said return to sender.
and if i had a problem id rather let it fester then to chop and mix it into
a soup of apathy using the puree button on my blender.
And if i could let you know i take it back just for the fact i want you in my life
without a chance of overcast.
so i just sat and wrote notes on post its and tacked them to the wall to remind me that i once had a chance to have her in my arms and hold her last.

One, one is for the vacation that i need with no return

two is for the papers that id love to watch burn

three is for regretting telling how i truely feel

four is for the heart of mine i let this girl steal

five is how i got it back and locked it up tight

and keep it locked n hidden, out of mind out of sight.

and as for six ill just keep this entry blank i think

for the next time someone makes my heart sink